2002 Upper Gauley
"Your Pashinit"
Guide: Jenny
Outfitter: ACE
Jenn was to be our first female guide. She proved to be a great guide, hitting almost everything perfectly, including a giant hit on Sweets Falls when we strayed ever so close to Dildo Rock. She also gave us several hilarious jokes that we still tell over and over. Let's just say, "cloesh enof".... Also, Christopher gets tossed out mysteriously in an eddy (calm pool); and we self-navigated a Class III rapid without incident after Jenn jumped over to help a flipped boat and didn't get back on our raft in time. We even eddied out after the rapid to wait on her. We impressed ourselves!
2000 Upper Gauley
"Under Insured and Over Concerned"
Guide: JB
Outfitter: ACE
I was in between two jobs and didn't have health insurance. I've never been so terrified. I sat in the back of the raft all day with thoughts of a $15,000 medical bill for a broken arm or worse, dancing in my head, tormenting me. JB gave us a respectable ride that day. Which included a speed-burning run through Pillow Rock rapid in which we rammed Pillow Rock with a big head of steam (see photo above). After we rebounded from the hit, I just about came out of the boat. Quick reflexes helped Christopher grab my ass and keep me in the boat.
1999 Upper Gauley
"THE most gratuitous display of BLIND luck I have EVER seen"
Guide: Conley
Outfitter: ACE
This was our famous "Team Extreme" four- person raft experience. It turned out to be fellow Outdoor Travels contributor Jeff Cobb's last rafting experience to date. Jeff was re-circulated (a fancy word for held under water and spun around by the force) in "Hungry Mother" surf hole and decided he had enough. This was also the trip where we actually eddied out (a term used for stopping your raft in a calm pool) in the middle of "Pillow Rock" rapid, a class V rapid at that. Seems we got stuck in a pool called "The Room of Doom" for its almost predictable behavior of flipping rafts upon their exit of the eddy. If you take a look at our picture, most of us have a look of confusion on our faces. We knew that it wasn't the normal thing to be stopped in the middle of this rapid. We actually exited cleanly, leaving the video boater who was filming us to proclaim the now famous quote, "That was THE most gratuitous display of BLIND luck I have EVER seen". He said that he could show us endless video of boats that didn't make it out of "The Room" unscathed. I think he was disappointed that we didn't make an entertaining raft carnage shot.
1999 Upper and Lower Gauley Marathon
"Danger Bob's Class V Swim Team"
Guide: The now famous "Danger Bob" a.k.a. "Swirley" Bob Turley
Outfitter: ACE
I'm not sure where to start with this one. Some view this trip as the best they have experienced others view it as a screaming nightmare from hell. Let's just say "Danger" wasn't on his game this day. We had swimmers in three of the first five Class V rapids on the upper Gauley. This included me being drug over a rock shelf with my feet under the boat (you can actually see my body shaking in the video as my lower torso was dragged over rock). We went down Pillow Rock Rapid (another Class V) accidentally backwards AND managed to squarely peg a rock by the dubious name of "Dildo" as we went over Sweets Falls way to the left of the correct line. The boat bent in half like a giant blue rubber taco, shooting all but Christopher Burk into the blue sky as if a bomb had just went off in the boat. Christopher fell into the middle and was saved from falling out by a cooler strapped into the boat, which hit him in the chest. When the smoke cleared, three of our raft mates refused to get back into the boat with Danger Bob. The odd thing is that four people from another less reckless boat wanted to get in. Seems that they were masochists in search of mayhem and carnage.
Well, they got it! Bob wasn't done yet. Although the upper section of the Gauley was all but over, Bob still managed to ram into a rock at the beginning of Heaven's Gate rapid on the lower Gauley. It really seemed like quite a rare feat considering this was the right side of the "gate", and is at the BEGINNING of the rapid. At any rate it sent Christopher flying out of the boat again.
Not to tire, Bob managed to flip us all again in the last surf hole called Hell Hole on the lower Gauely. Bob had been talking about it for some time, but in the end, failed to even tell us he was dropping our boat into the hole. We were cruising along when WHAM! We dropped off of a ledge sideways. At that moment, our boat was instantly pulled upstream into the pour-over where we flipped.
Since this trip, I've spotted Danger Bob with a hole bit through his lip, a rafter in his boat with his arm jammed above his head with a dislocated shoulder and watched Danger from the safety of the lunch spot at Sweets Falls rapid, flip his boat.
The kayakers on the river say "Hey Danger" as they pass him by. They know the score. If you want a wild ride, Bob's your man. Myself? I won't get anywhere near him, I'm just too old for that crap. Perhaps in the end, he was good for me. I now have a greater respect as well as fear of the Gauley River. Bob showed us all this day how bad things can get when they go a little wrong.
